Staring Contest


I think I am having a staring contest with my future. I think I am going to lose.

I have literally pumped the breaks on real life to stare at my future, and wait for it to blink so that I can have a peak at what is behind its looming presence.

Every prayer, a fair amount of my thoughts (safely assume “a fair amount” is just to make me seem less obsessive… its been a lot of my thoughts) my conversations, they all hinge on the future. And lets be real I have never been a future kind of gal.

Considering my favorite toy was the cast iron skillet and kettle (I reference this early exposure to pioneer culture as the reason people have told me I remind them of the Laura Ingalls Wilder from Little House on the Prairie), and my favorite movie Pride and Prejudice, and I went through a phase of writing letters with quill and ink, I think it is safe to say that my allegiance lies with the past. Until now…

See the future has recently taken center stage, because it has teased with this idea that there is something that is fleeting and if I don’t pay very close attention I may miss it. I have wrapped my thoughts around this tiny little idea that if I miss what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life now, that I will no longer get to indulge the future in staring contests because it will be long gone. I will have lost, and the future will be off catering to someone else’s dream.

Mid life crisis at twenty one.

But, those thoughts don’t quite fit inside the world that God is growing. Because he has planted hope, and it is a courageous little seed. God has planted hope in his story for us. Because, for God there is no climax, we are as magnificent to God in the womb as we are on the mountain as we are on our death bed. God’s story for us has no crescendo followed by a gradual decline. He has written us into his song, and that is an eternal, constant, and steady music that we are attuned to, that our life adds to.

We are never obsolete or passed over by Jesus. In the eternal moment we are seen and loved, forgiven and accepted. We have no need to try to walk on eggshells so that our dreams and his gifts will not get acknowledged, so that our future is void of richness. He will be there, He will continue to cultivate, and He will still know the depths and the details of my soul.

So maybe I should give up the staring contest with the future, and start one much higher, longer, harder, but greater, with God. The only one who has taken on the future and won.